Your awesomeness? It's an inside job.
I used to think that my awesomeness was measured on 'stuff'. Back in school I wanted to fit in with the cool girls so bad that I made my grandad buy me a super-expensive pair of trainers. Unfortunately, it became clear, quite quickly, that it would take more than a pair of Adidas shell toe superstars to make me cool. It didn't stop me trying though. At the age of 13 I was yet to understand the universal law of a lesson is repeated until it is learned, and did everything I could to fit in, to be accepted, 'cept it was never quite enough, it wasn't the right brand, the right label, the right fit, the right size, the right face. I was never quite enough.
For a while, it was the same with all things business-y, I'd see the super-slick life coach girls in their profile pics and they all looked like they'd stumbled into super-good lighting, had just-stepped-out-o'-a-salon hair, and positively gushed with the kind o' smile-y confidence that could quite easily give a girl a complex. And on occasions, sometimes did. It was like the school playground all over again, 'cept this time not only was I NOT fitting in, I was standing out. I was tattooed, wore 1950s style ensembles and rocked my curves on a burlesque stage at night. Would people want to work with a coach that was illustrated and had crazy-mad accessorising skillz?
Now, I could easily have tried to squeeze this square peg into a round hole - and other such cliques that mean the same thing - but I was NOT those girls. I came in this Lisa-shaped package, and if I was true to that, and actually celebrated my me-ness, perhaps others would feel inclined to own, and embrace their me-ness too.
[quote style="boxed" float="none"]...ANY time you are true to your you-ness, you get awesome...[/quote]
You want the good news? Turns out that ANY time you are true to your you-ness, you get awesome. When I dropped the bullshit comparisons and stopped trying to wear a mask that felt uncomfy and didn't quite fit right, I attracted quite possibly the most awesome clients/playmates a girl could wish for. They work with me - a tattooed, big-hearted, passionate and sometimes swear-y chica who totally knows her shit when it come to helping others write their story, live their best life and be a whole lot 'o badass in the process.
Look, I juice some mornings, other mornings I crave a pain au chocolat so freakin' bad. I think positive thoughts a lot o' the time, but there are times when I bash my pillow and cry big gloopy mascara-ed tears. My life is brilliant, but really shitty stuff has, is, and will still happen. I give love stuff out as much as I can, but y'know, I'm not Jesus, and I don't always feel love for everyone all of the time. I'm pretty awesome a lot of the time, but I still fuck up.
[quote style="boxed" float="none"]...Show up. Show up as you. A big beautiful, delicious, from the heart, messy contradiction...[/quote]
So here's the deal. Show up. Show up as you. A big, beautiful, delicious, from the heart, messy contradiction. This is what my yoga teacher calls our 'original face'. It's our no-bullshit awesomeness, that's totally you-nique to us, that's revealed when we remember who we are deep down inside, and that who we are is really okay. In fact it's better than okay, it's freakin' incredible.
Beyond the masks, beyond the bullshit. I see you and damn it girl, you are beeee-yooo-tiful!