What are you NOT saying?
A few months ago, I got an email. "Your 'Get Naked' post has really inspired me. I totally want to heart riff my truth but the only problem is, some of my truths are possibly too 'taboo' to be tolerated by the masses…"
My response? "I can't tell you what feels right and wrong, all I know is that by NOT speaking out, you're denying the world your truth. Taboo is just something we don't talk about often enough, right? Maybe YOU'RE the one to talk about it? I don't know the answers, I only know what's true for me, but we can't be responsible for how our truth lands with people, but what we do have to be responsible for ourselves and our own self care...Feel into it. Write it out. Heart riff on what it means to you. What risk are you taking by NOT doing it? Consider that too."
The girl who was concerned that her truth was too taboo? She heart riffed. She heart riffed like her life depended on it, because well…it kinda did. I asked her to share that riff with you. Meet Michelle Morgan. This is HER truth.
"I was never good at telling the truth. Not to myself anyway. As a child I could lie to my mum better than a well seasoned Shakespearian actor, but what I did best, was lie to myself. Parading myself to the world with a string of identities I had manifested, and running from the voice inside my head that said “this isn’t you” only made me lose touch with myself even more.
Not knowing who I really was, led me into the darkest places of humanity, the places of nightmares, while my dreams slipped further and further out of my reach. As I ran from myself, I stumbled into the arms of neon light pleasures; drugs, drink, money, sex and attention. But those sort of fair-ground pleasures are short lived, and unfulfilling. The fair-ground moves on, and leaves nothing but candy floss vomit where your future should have been.
Drug abuse and the need for male attention led me to strings of toxic relationships and eventually, prostitution. My memories of that time deceive me; nothing is chronological. It’s as if someone took a reel of film, cut it up, and scattered the snippets around the floor of my mind. I remember hands and breath and skin, and sweat. I remember endless travelling, hotel lobbies, and unshakeable loneliness.
Most of all, I remember feeling so lost, that when clients said I was great at what I did, genuine, a natural, I often wondered if that was the real me… It wasn’t. It took 3 or 4 years in the industry, several escape attempts and a massive amount of not-so-subtle hints from the universe to realise that isn’t true.
I learned, with the help of close friends, online community, and inspirational blogs like SASSYology, that I simply didn’t know who I was anymore. I was so caught up the search for security and affection that I had lost touch with what matters. I had let myself be defined by drugs, sex and money, and forgotten the real joys in life.
I learned we are the masters of our own truths; we make the choices that lead to our destiny. If you are in the place of nightmares, sometimes the only thing to do is speak your truth, and ask for help.
So, I told the world. I opened up and shared my past, my present, and what I hope will be my future. I was scared of what might happen. I expected a barrage of abuse and hatred and slander… I received only love.
Since sharing my truth, its like the world has been coloured again, I've erased the dark, moody hues, I’m avoiding the fair-ground neon lights that I used to chase, I’m allowing the universe to colour me back in. Only this time, In a palette of rich turquoise, bright violet, fuchsia, and glimmering gold..."
This is why I do what I do. I have a fierce-assed passion to hear untamed voices and heart thump-y truths. They're not always pretty or tied up in a happy-ever-after bow, most times they're messy and bloody, but when we get real, get honest and claim our voice we awaken dormant forces that support your awesomeness in the world.
What are you NOT saying? What truth are you NOT telling? I invite you to share it below, or if that feels too scary, set the intent for telling your truth. Today.