Truth, trust + kicking perfectionism in the ovaries
I'm back after spending THE most incredible week in Malta. Yep, the first SHE Power Temple under that big + beautiful Sagittarius is now over + I'm feeling blessed.Full of love. Heart-wide-open. Womb full of 5000 years of SHE power.
We shared stories, made magic, unraveled, got messy in our truth and most importantly, these fierce + vulnerable + untamed women under a full moon, dared to call back their power. For themselves, for each other, for you, for me, for every woman that's gone before + for every woman yet to come.
What was 'interesting' was the destruction that came before the creation. Yep, Kali ma was most definitely present in what went down over that weekend. She kicked my perfectionist/the one who wants to be told she's 'good'/the one who needs to be validated hard in the ovaries. Days before I arrived in Malta, I dislocated my knee. I arrived at what was to be our temple space for the weekend + fell through the door, skidded into a wall and broke my finger. I was day 28 of my cycle, the moon was big + full, I felt powerless, I could not pull together a coherent sentence, and all I wanted to do was curl up + have my hair stroked. But I wanted SO much for the women coming to have the most magical experience that I tried to fake it. Despite EVERYTHING I share + teach. I had every session/ritual/ceremony lovingly prepared, yet when it came to greeting the women in circle for our first ceremony together, nothing. No words, no plans, no structure. NOTHING. I'd gone into that time between time - a golden space that occurs between pre-menstruation + 'I'm about to bleed' where shiz gets SERIOUSLY liminal, where you're completely disconnected from everything and everyone. My finger was pounding with pain, my tummy was bloated + felt like I was full-term preggo + I wanted to cry. SHE had forced me to show up to circle broken, literally. I bowed to Akhilanda, the goddess of never not broken, I placed my hands on the earth + asked 'okay, what do you want from me?' and I heard a direct and from-the-gut response - 'Trust + truth. That's all I ever want.' From that moment on, the notes were left untouched + trust + truth became our guides under the full moon. I shared where I was at, I told the circle that I felt scared + that I was trying to be the 'perfect' circle holder + it became the permission slip for us all to 'feel' + 'trust' that we could show up vulnerable + share from our roots. We danced, laughed, sang + cried from THAT place + most importantly, we made magic and called back our power from THAT place too.
Proof if any is ever needed, that we are in a cycle of constant forgetting + remembrance. I teach + share this work, yet the patriarchy has done SUCH a job on us, that I forget too. I fall into the trap of wanting to be liked + validated, of wanting other people to think I have it all figured out when I really freakin' have NO IDEA. But, luckily, since spending serious spiritual hang time with SHE, I've realised that if you're not listening to + trusting your gut, SHE will do what is necessary to bring you to your knees/crack you open so you can keep remembering + receive your SHE medicine.
FYI: That shiz rarely comes sugar-coated. I have the broken finger + dislocated knee to prove it!
It's lifelong work + we're in it together. So let's be each other's guides in this. Let's remind each other that your truth right now + trust in yourself is all that's ever needed to show up.