The feminine wound, pre-menstrual wobbles + creative impotence
Yesterday I told my editor that I didn't want to write the Witch book.I told her, 'I'll pay back my advance, I don't want to do it.' Why? I was day 28 of my menstrual cycle (my inner critic works overtime in my pre-menstrual phase) + I felt the fear. A fear that festers in the deep feminine wound. The fear of being seen + heard. The fear of being judged + punished for my beliefs + actions.
So, my editor, Amy Kiberd, who you'll meet + get to chat to if you're joining me for SHE Stories - we start on the 30th October on the dark moon + we'll be in circle for 30 days together, come join us - talked me through it. Through the fear, the wounding + the judgement. This isn't the first time she's had to do it. (I'm guessing it won't be the last either.) She reminded me of a similar conversation we had when Love Your Lady Landscape was just about to go for it's final edit.
The feminine wound is real.
For me, the wound isn't a perceived, societal one, it's real. It's one of the women that have gone before me. My mumma who turned her back on her psychic + seer like powers through fear of being called a witch, my nanna who would never have the word 'witch' spoken, yet it was exactly what she was + the whole neighbourhood knew it. It's one of past life. Yep, this is not my first rodeo sharing women's wisdom. Doing women's work. Of being a witch. In at least one life time, I had my tongue cut from my mouth in front of the women I was talking to. In another, I was the victim of a witch hunt where other women I believed to be kindred, sisters + friends, called me out to the authorities + I was burned. It's one of THIS lifetime. A time where I've been manhandled, smacked, shamed, judged + disrespected by both men AND women.
Yet, I KNOW I'm here to be an advocate for the women who, while they may not have had their tongues sliced, feel that their voices are silenced + censored + not heard. I'm here to show that while modern day witch hunts are real (you only have to look at any trash mag or reality TV show to see women being called out, judged + 'burned' by mainstream + social media) we have to practice being seen, heard + expressing our real. I've said this MANY times, but do you think if I had a choice, I'd be talking about periods + vaginas? Do you think if I had a choice, I'd keep putting myself out there, over + over again, writing books that aren't easy to market, that talk about SHE + how our womb is a power source, declaring I'm a witch + waking other witches so that others can potentially ridicule, judge + shame me? It's what I've signed up for. And while there are definitely days that I wish I could just not know what I know, lay on a chez lounge, write chick lit + live in the South of France, I wouldn't change it for the world.
I'm telling you this because I want you to know, if you're thinking you want to write a book, or share your story, or speak on stage, or host a circle or a workshop, or create a social media feed that inspires + feels real - and you feel the fear, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I feel it too. Every time I write a book, a blog post, stand on stage, begin an interview. And for some that fear might be perceived + societal, + for others it might be real + experiential, either from past lives, or this lifetime. But here's the deal.
To share your story, your you-nique-to-you medicine, you have to be seen. And heard. And express your real.
It's what I've had to learn every time I say yes to doing a podcast, a TV or radio interview or speaking on a big stage, when what I really wanted to do was say 'no' and stay in my PJs - in order to share our powerful SHE medicine, our magic, our unique-to-us-flavour in the world, we have to be seen. And Heard. And express our real. And for many of us, me included, it doesn't come easy. But if we let it, the fear that it's 'not safe' for us to speak/write/share our story, which ultimately is our medicine to the world, renders our creative powers completely useless. Like an impotent, limp dick. And no one want's that, right? What the world wants + needs, damn it, what I want + need, is a world where YOU are sharing your medicine, your story + your real.
If you let it, fear can render your creative powers completely useless. Like an impotent limp dick. And no one wants that, right?
So let's do it together. Let's create a safe space for us to practice. Join me for 30 days, dark moon through to new moon, as I encourage you to write your freakin' heart (+ guts) out. To work with the cycles of mumma nature + the cycles of your own body to attune to your creative powers, to save them from fear-induced limp-dickness + use them for good. We'll mud wrestle with our inner critic, we'll see where she shows up, what she's attached to + how we can help her to heal, we'll get a little messy as we separate what's truth + what's not + I'll invite some incredible women - actress Carrie Ann Moss, Hay House UK editor, Amy Kiberd + social media queen, Katie Brockhurst - who support me in telling my truth + sharing my real to share their insight, advice + wisdom. It's going to be special.