A few weeks ago I went to a party.Yes, sometimes it happens. What can I say? I'm a sucker for champagne + salmon on a stick. (a total whole fillet of salmon. On a stick. I had two.) Anyway, I met this guy who said he loved the title of my book Love Your Lady Landscape, and asked 'how are you ever going to follow that up?' I said 'I'm writing a book called Witch.' He laughed + said: 'Well, that'll do it.' So, yes, I'm writing a book. A book called Witch. And right now, I'm writing about power. The feminine power that we've been taught to be afraid of, that we've been told is unsafe, because an untamed, angry, joyous, unbound woman is a scary proposition to the world, right?
What would being fully in your power feel like? What would it feel like to go ALL THE WAY in one direction? What would it feel to disappoint or upset people in your life for making a choice that feels right + powerful for you? What are the repercussions of this power, and are we willing to take the risk?
I don't have the answers, I'm just riffing on these questions. I invite you to heart riff too.
For me, it feels like freedom, but I wonder if that's an idealised version of freedom, y'know? I wonder if I really could exist without the need to seek approval in people? When my parents died I got to really practice that. My writing was edgy + powerful, the decisions I made were daring + risky. I did not give a FUCK. People kept dying, two of my aunties, an uncle + cousin in the following 12 months + I cared less + less - not about those that had died but about what people thought of me because I had no one alive to judge me or approve anymore. I really walked the edge.
And while I think I still do, writing books, doing workshops + being seen has meant that some people dig you + they tell you so, and while I try not to attach to that, (I'm a yogi, I'm all about non-attachment. Ahem.) it actually feels really nice when people like what you do, but then when I sit down to write or create, it does mean that sometimes I think, 'what if those people who loved me last week, disagree with what I'm sharing this week + don't dig me anymore?' What then?
I've been thinking it about the book too. I can feel why it's absolutely the next book that had to be written but what if people are like, why is she writing about witches? She talks about wombs + periods? What if people don't take my womb work seriously anymore? What if witches question who I am to write a witch book?
I CRAVE the liberation + freedom of not giving a fuck (and I reckon I spend about 80% of my time in that place) but I'll also hold my hands up + say I still really want to be loved too. I have noticed though, that the more I love my decisions - (I love that I get to write about women's work, because that's what ALL of this is - wombs, witches, heart riffing, truth, ritual + sharing, vulnerability) the less I need others to love them.
How about you? My truth is that I'm still navigating being a woman fully in her power + what that actually means to me, I feel like there's still a long way to go + that I carry the persecution of the women that went before in my blood + bones, yet I see how different is for me as a white woman, compared to my sisters of colour for example - what's your truth?