It is ALL okay. (If I tell myself this enough, it will be, right?)
So you know how last week I said ‘don’t let anyone get in the way of the work you were born to do?' I should have headed that up with, unless that anyone is SHE.Y’see due to shiz that is just simply out of my control - which, for a control freak like me, is NOT cool - the book and the free downloadable Cycle Repair Kit are not going to be ready for the 8th March as originally planned.
There has been a LOT o’ hair pulling + shouting at various pieces of technology + people - even the cat was to blame for an hour yesterday - I have thrown my hand to my forehead in true drama queen style on more than one occasion. But mainly, I have wanted to swig gin straight from the bottle.
March is Women’s History Month, so I contemplated trying to pull this totally-out-of-my-control delay off as part of a bigger, well-orchestrated plan o’ action. But if I’m really honest with you, and that’s all I really know how to be, there is no plan.
I mean, there WAS a plan, and a set of objectives, and I vaguely recall a spreadsheet, because that’s how all over 'the plan' I was, but nope, there is no longer a plan.
This book + the process of publishing it has become FAR more than just the words, paper + messages within it’s blood red cover. SHE has invited me to really let go of all the masculine constructs that still, despite everything I’ve learned so far, bind me - plans, goals, targets, success - and FEEL into the process in a deeply feminine way.
If I’m to truly walk my talk as a menstrual mistress + a defender of female awesomeness - thanks Cooler magazine, still the best title EVER - I need to stop holding on so tightly to a defined and specific outcome. In fact, I need to stop caring about that at all and instead I need to simply show up to life, raise my heart and boobs to the sun, and be open to the infinite possibilities that occur when I fully collaborate with SHE, my wild + wise woman, my womb, my truth.
Except that shit is scary, right? That involves trust, faith + belief in yourself, your knowing, your innate wisdom. It involves FEELING. Now, at the risk of getting political, in a patriarchal society, it has simply not been safe for ladykind to rediscover + connect with their deeply feminine SHE power. As with Mary Magdalene, Joan of Arc and Boudicca before us, dudekind feel the fear. The fear of what might happen if every woman woke up to her innate SHE power which is why, understandably so, very few of us dare to go there. The stories of the women that have gone before us have been edited, silenced, covered up and censored, and it’s meant that this patriarchal fear has been stored and imprinted in our bodies.
Yesterday I read this piece in the New York Times, and it served as a cosmic butt kick as to why I do the work I do, I want women to remember what it feels like to trust yourself, to not have your feelings medicated, but to celebrate them for the wise + wild insight that they are.
So that’s what I’m doing.
I’m feeling into every part of this publishing process, I’m reaching out in directions I wouldn’t of done if I’d have stuck to 'the plan', and as I do, as I trust my inner knowing and not just my experience of the industry, awesome things are happening.
This unexpected gap in proceedings has created space. And with space comes clarity.
So I asked the Viking to write about menstrual cycles from his perspective as a dude, as a husband + as lover, the result is a double page spread that can be left open for any man that has ever declared ‘women should come with a manual.’ This then led to men who I admire and have mahoooosive spiritual dude crushes on like Kyle Gray, David Wells and the Barefoot Doctor, all sharing their support + love for the book, for the work + for ladykind.
I grew big-ass ovaries + asked women I admire the shit out of if they’d endorse my book, and they did. This kind o’ support is golden and I’m not going lie, when Meggan Watterson agrees to write your foreword and Kathleen McGowan joins your cheer squad, your ovaries deffo deserve to take a bow.
And so it goes.
SHE, through me, is calling us all to connect with our bodies, to tune into our SHE power + to remember the truth of who we are. We need to drop the expectation of ourselves and of other women to ‘do life like a dude’ + to be consistent, because the way of the feminine is not linear, it’s liminal. It’s moment-to-moment, phase-to-phase. What I like one week, doesn’t necessarily hold the same excitement for me the week after and nor should it. We need to all start getting okay with inconsistency, to let go of the control freak-ery + most importantly, drop our obsession with perfection.
This book isn't going to be perfect - There are things I'd write differently + definitely things I'd add if I had another six months, or a year, but think of all the things that wouldn't get written, the life that wouldn't be lived if I went on an endless pursuit of perfectionism + completion. The process itself has been far from perfect - Jeez, I have learned more in the last three months about publishing than I did in my entire 16 years in the publishing industry - but damn, I'm going to be SO much more prepared next time round. I'm not perfect - Well, that's a freakin' given. Yet, it's ALL okay. Let's all take a collective sigh o' relief, yeah?!