Finding your truth in a Kali Ma shit storm

kalimaSo, after last week’s burn, this week I'm feeling like I've been knocked sideways, have no roots and that nothing quite makes any sense.The official term for it here in SASSY-ville is a Kali Ma Shit Storm and when you pick a deity like Ma Kali to sit at the feet of, it should be no surprise that you’re asked to ride this lifetime like a wild spiritual bull - tearing shit up, killing ego-demons, clearing space for epic change to occur. Yet, despite knowing this, when I’m sitting in the remnants of a Kali Ma Shit Storm, like I am right now, feeling raw and vulnerable, I’m always left asking the question:

What the actual fuck? (Yep, question-asking me has a mouth that would make a sailor blush.)

A few things have happened to create this particular KMSS: Important people who I love and cherish have been diagnosed with cancer. This time last year, within the space of six weeks, my Mumma and Pops were both about to die. And for a lot o’ people who have made it known via email and social media recently, I overshare. I'm too 'out there'. I'm simply  ‘too much’.

It's the spring equinox. We are in a liminal zone. There's also some pretty big planetary shiz going down. (FYI: It’s always helpful to know what the astro-awesomeness is doing when Kali kicks off.) Whilst most of the KMSS is personal, meaning g-friend has to do the inner work  for that particular ball o' emo to unravel and declare it's lessons and meanings, however, the 'Lady, you're too much!' part? Woah there. When you tell me I'm too much, what you're saying to any woman that dares to follow her SHE-led calling and speak her truth is that they're too much too. That is not cool.

I have options. Of course I do, everyone does. In the face of those critics, I could scream and shout and call them out. Or I could do what they’d prefer, shut up, remain small, and ignore the call of SHE. 

Yep, I could definitely keep my thoughts, my words, my truth to myself, shut it tight in a box, just like the women that have gone before me, like my mumma and my Gma, who never felt able to express their truth. Behind the hand secrets were always shared in hushed tones, and that's if they were shared at all.

Women have been burned and persecuted for daring to speak out, their truth shh-ed and censored throughout history and even now, I can still feel their silence in my voice. Anyone that’s ever heard me speak in public, knows that I have a really hard time articulating what my heart wants to say. I stutter, I stumble, I get over-enthusiastic. Which is why I write. I’m a journalist. I experience life, I journal life, I share my experiences with those who want to know more through my words. It's how I emote, it's how I even begin to find, and make sense of the who-the-fuck-do-you-think-you-are question. And yes, I share it. I share it in all it's unedited, vulnerable messy-ness. I talk about how I do business and how it's not conventional - this pisses business types off. A LOT. I talk about blood, and yonis and wombs in a way that makes sense to me in the hope it helps others to make sense of it too. This pisses people who don't want to talk about it off. A LOT. This also pisses off people who do talk about it because I'm not doing it the 'right' way. So, am I too much? By some people's standards, absolutely. Will I be changing up anything about myself anytime soon or censoring my truth because people are pissed? Not a freakin' chance.

And nor should you. I am passionate about women standing in their SHE Power and if you're censoring yourself or allowing others to censor you in life, in business, in the writing of your blog, even on facebook , I am calling on you to breath deep down into your lady parts - feel those ovaries swell, trust your voice, and tell YOUR truth, no matter how wobbly, scary and shaky it might feel. Then do it again, and again. Then come here and shout about it in the comments below and we'll celebrate you together, yeah?!


ww1 FYI: If you missed last week's SHE Power mistress-ry class, the recording along with a free downloadable cycle chart is now available to buy now in the shop - simply click here to purch the merch!