A room of one's own
So, here in the UK, most people have gone back to work today, I on the other hand, did my 'reasons to heart being freelance' dance, mostly because it meant I didn't have to go out in the storm, and Jeez Louise, it's ragin', but also because there was no dread in my belly, because I am so super-lucky to get up each day and do the work I love...
Last year when I moved in with the beau, he gifted me a 'room of my own', which, according to Virginia Wolfe, every writer-girl should have, I put in a very pretty day bed where I would daydream big plots and crazy adventures, I hung beautiful bunting, filled the space with various kitsch spiritual iconography, the beau gave me a gorgeous writing desk from his fam, and I set my laptop on it - it was quite possibly the dream room.
Except I never used it. I'd look at it, I'd peek round the door and gaze lovingly at how pretty it was, but instead of using it, I'd sit downstairs on the sofa with the laptop on my lap, because...well, I just did. Then I started dancing and my writer-girl room became a dumping room for costume material, it was as if I'd dreamed so long of having a writer-girl room of my own, that when I actually got it, I didn't know what to do with it.
Some of the things that went through my mind were: What if I couldn't write words in there? I didn't need all that space, I'll just write downstairs, it's fine. I can't just move into the beau's house and take over a whole room, how rude is that?
Except it was more rude of me NOT to use it. By helping me create a writer-girl room, it was the beau's way of showing that he believed in me and what I was doing. He believed in me as an actual writer and wanted to nurture that, he understood that as a creatrix, I needed my own space, he honoured me as a business-girl and wanted to give me what I needed in order to create and grow, yet it's taken me 9 months to actual realise, acknowledge and accept it, I'll admit, that's a poor show on my part, innit?!
It finally clicked when we were talking with friends just before Yule about creative spaces and how important they are. I was about to wax lyrical about how I'd love one as gorgeous as hers - it's totally dreamy, with sunlight pouring through a big bay window - when I realised I already had one, custom-made for this very writer girl. So, over the yule period, between the frivolities and eating and love-stuff, I have spent some time in here, learning to love it. I've created a beautiful sacred space for me to work in, so no more typing/emailing/TV watching - each morning I now enter my writer-girl room, light a candle to mark the beginning o' the day, pull a tarot card, whisper sweet nothings to my spiritual home-girls to ask for their support and guidance for the day ahead, open my laptop, look around me at the pictures, inspiring quotes and breathe a big, happy sigh, I'm a writer-girl, I have a room of my own and I love it.